It was an experiment for the ages. The idea was to send a person out of the home at age 18 and see if they could make it in the world.
They used words like “be independent,” “go build,” and “become a man” to entice us into the world alone and without resources.
A few people made it in the world. They climbed the corporate ladder, married, raised a family, bought a house, and remained happy.
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But the overwhelming majority of people crumbled under pressure. The world crushed their dreams, marriages, and children—very sad indeed.
I was independent. I was one of these experimental babies. My parents pushed me out at 18 to face the world without “the information” and resources.
I joined the military at age 18 and am finally ending my career after 24 years. Growing on your own creates problems that most people cannot handle.
First, you must become a monster to make it in the world. To climb the corporate ladder means you must repel daily attacks on your character, work ethic, and integrity.
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In short, you must wear a different persona at work to play with the big boys and gals. I always understood this world’s dual reality, which helped me climb the ladder.
Most people want to keep their personality at work, which leads to severe stress and anxiety. It’s much easier to become a dull shell of a person as you travel up the chain of command.
The financial burden of being independent. However, the true failure of the independent person relates to finances. I alluded to this in my article, “The American Dream Costs $5 Million.”
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They told us that one person (or couple) could pay off student loans, save for retirement, buy a house, and fund their children’s college—all in one lifetime. This is simply impossible.
And then inflation came, the housing market exploded again, and the cracks began to show. These independent people slowly made their way back home to their parents.
There is almost no way for an 18-28 year old to buy a home comfortably while safely taking care of the rest of their financial obligations (like an emergency fund and saving for retirement).
What did being independent get us? So after 40-50 years of this independent lifestyle, what did we earn? Well, suicide, depression, drug use, and divorce are all at all-time highs. Is that a good thing?
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We connect via social media, yet we are so disconnected in real life. The book “Find Your People” says that the word “independent” is from the devil.
I agree with this statement. We were made to connect and build a tribe. We should raise our children inside a tribe where they thrive the most.
The world never intended two people (or one person) to have all the answers for a child. Inside a tribe, weaker family members can get support from stronger ones.
Not every person can “climb the ladder” or become an entrepreneur or social media influencer. Some people are good with kids, excellent at caring for aging parents, or handy around the house.
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Back to family values. I have already accepted that my two boys will hang around the house much longer than I did.
Can I knowingly send them out to their slaughter? I know exactly what the world brings—choice. In my day, the options were military, trade school, or college.
But today, “work” is a bad word. It’s much cooler to try to be a YouTuber, musician, or blogger. However, these all require much more “work” than a day job (albeit with greater potential).
Today their choices are drugs, tattoos, piercings, and online dating. These things are not bad in and of themselves, but they will not push the “happiness” needle forward, as the media suggests.
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Being with your family will make you happy. It may seem like escaping to the east coast, west coast, or overseas will give you a sense of freedom, but that is an illusion.
Freedom is overrated. My wife and I have only each other. Our parents are far away (hers overseas), and we lived this life alone.
We bought three houses together, raised two kids, and got ourselves out of debt. However, we almost crumbled under the burden of responsibility.
We never gave ourselves the “freedom” to leave each other. We made a commitment, and we stuck to it for 17 years. Now, we are committed to our children.
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We had kids; they are our responsibility until our end (not age 18). That doesn’t mean we will pamper our kids, but their struggles will be different than ours.
If our boys already have a house, internet, and air conditioning, why will they strive to excel in this world?
Motivation for the middle-class child. Motivating a middle-class child will be tough, but that’s our new burden. I know everyone needs to feel “successful” to have deep contentment and satisfaction.
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We all need to play a role and have people depend on us to feel connected to our surroundings. We want people to miss and need us—it’s human nature.
But, we can get these things by working as a family. We can start businesses together. We can start a garden, build an empire, or homeschool kids together.
Yes, their struggle will look different than ours, but they shouldn’t have to worry about homelessness, drug addiction, or depression.
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Conclusion. The critical takeaway is to ask yourself why you are pushing your children out of the house. Is it because they need to prove something to the world? Or you don’t want to be financially responsible for them?
Some kids will naturally flee the nest early in life. They have an innate understanding of life and can balance work, family, and self.
We will need to protect most for much longer. However, laying around the house playing video games and drinking Coke isn’t the answer either.
They must have tangible goals to reach to keep them on track. Things like finishing college, saving $20,000, remaining debt-free, etc., will help them understand the intricacies of life.
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As they consider marriage, the spouse must also be family-oriented. They will enter the household and bring their family along into the fold.
The intention was always for two entire families to support one marriage. The Great Family Reset will ensure no child gets left behind; we can combine resources to prop everyone up.
Yes, inflation and a recession are slowly causing the Great Family Reset, but the reason doesn’t matter. We cannot afford (financially, mentally, and emotionally) to live alone any longer.
The sooner we realize the dangers of the world, the sooner we can regrow our family spirit. The answer lies in our togetherness. Good Luck!
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