Who you decide to marry is the most significant financial decision in your life. If you get it right, you’ll both retire early and live happily ever after. If you get it wrong, it’ll be quite the opposite.
I am gearing this article to men between 25 and 30, instead of dreaming of the perfect woman, dream of the perfect life together.
If you want to live the American dream of expensive RVs, luxury cars, and big houses, then you can find plenty of women to join you. However, if you want to retire before 45, it’ll require a specific type of woman.
My story. Here’s a quick rundown of my marriage. We met in February 2004 in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan. I was 23, and she was 20. We fell in love instantly.
We both grew up poor in our respective countries. I was five years into my career in the Marine Corps. We married in Helsinki, Finland, in February 2006.
We will celebrate 18 years together in February 2024. I retired in October 2024 after 24 years of honorable service (doing the lord’s work). We both stay home and focus on raising our kids (17 and 13) and building wealth.
Getting married young. If you are under 25, you have the opportunity to marry for “pure” love. You both will start in the world together and have a great chance of making it. A young marriage does require a lot of support (emotional and financial) from your parents.
My wife and I had no financial help from our parents, but we made it. I wouldn’t wish this version of independence on anyone.
We encourage our kids to marry young and have their kids early. We will support them 100%.
Marrying after 25. If you are dating after 25, you’ll have an entirely new subset of problems. Chief among them is that you can’t afford to marry the woman you believe you desire.
Why does an honest, hard-working man (age 30, making $70,000) believe he can date a beautiful woman who has an education, a career, expensive hair, costly make-up, and drives a luxury car? You can’t afford to give her the lifestyle she desires. She is out of your league.
Why does she need you if she can achieve these things by herself? Remember, your financial game plan is the most crucial thing in your life.
Life is a math game; you just need to learn the common denominator, and you will succeed. Once you know the solution (say you need $10,000/month to retire), your life will unfold as you intend.
The true cost of marriage. Getting married is expensive, no matter who you marry. However, you want someone who works with you, not against you.
If your long-term vision is to both retire in your 40s, then all your decisions can point in that direction. It’ll help you decide whether she wants to stay home with the kids, whether you need a honeymoon, the size of the wedding ring, and where to buy a home.
When you marry someone with their own program (or social media agenda), you’ll never be able to get on the same page.
Marriage is a balancing act for all parties. However, marrying a woman who wants the best in each category will make you both broke and angry. Let’s look at some categories where your spending can vary wildly.
- Wedding rings. Have fun with this.
- Wedding ceremony. I hope you have parental support
- Honeymoon/vacation. The cost and frequency can become a pain
- Cars. Hope you like $1,000 car payments
- House. A large house in a nice neighborhood.
- Kids. You can spend a lot of money on these little people.
- Private school. Little Johnny needs the best education.
- College. Your kids will need to go to the best schools.
- Retirement. You both need to retire and live a “better” lifestyle.
The truth is that most successful women want to marry to “level up,” not help you become someone they can admire. We can’t blame women for wanting a rich guy who can provide this fantastic lifestyle for them.
On the flip side, they can’t blame us for wanting to find a “humble” woman with a simple background. That is where most men should be looking for their future spouses.
Building your financial plan. If you are a single man over 25, the most important thing you can do is start building your financial plan.
The number one goal of your plan is to achieve financial freedom through passive income. This means obtaining enough assets to free yourself from the workforce.
I know that your hormones tell you to continue to date, but these women do not want you. As men, we come into our primetime in our 40s.
We used to be able to find wives early (before 25) that would grow and build with us. Those days are over. Women want a pre-built guy who is already the CEO.
Guy, for our part, we look at women who already have education, careers, and beauty ascetics. We don’t want to help them grow, either.
Finding your perfect woman. The good news is that you now have the blueprint. Stay away from bre-built women as they seek pre-built guys.
Now that you have your financial game plan to escape the workforce before 45, that should be your number one concern.
However, if you desire companionship, millions of women will get on your program. You just need to know where to look and what they will look like.
My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, but she wasn’t built up when I met her. She was a pure diamond in the rough.
I knew I would do everything to help her build herself into a powerful young lady. She gave me two beautiful children, worked for 15 years, and made my house into a home. I got the better end of the bargain.
Your dream woman is a hard-working natural beauty. She probably works at McDonald’s or Winn Dixie. She drives a beat-up car and may go to community college.
But, you can see her true, “deep” beauty. She is friendly to customers and smiles. She would love to go to Applebee’s with you. She may even have a child.
Being honest with your future wife. Her life may be in disarray or chaos. Again, if her life was perfect, why would she need you?
As someone who has their life on track, you can easily see the steps they need to take to get moving in the right direction.
I’m always surprised by the many beautiful women I see on a daily basis. No, I’m not talking about the fancy ladies, but the hard-working ones who are selfless and caring.
Maybe because my mom is one of these women, and my wife. Men, stop looking for pre-built women and build your life with a woman.
Stop looking for your financial equal. Men should want to make women their equal or better by sending them to school, helping them get good jobs, and placing them in nice houses.
My parents raised me to be a provider, so I never considered finding a woman with an education or job. It never even crossed my mind. It still doesn’t.
My oldest son is currently dating. I explain that he needs to help her track down her social security card, get her birth certificate, get a passport, and open a checking account.
That’s what we do as men and providers. We ensure everybody under our umbrella thrives; that’s how we measure our success.
Conclusion. My wife and I started with nothing. As a matter of fact, my first military orders after getting married were two years unaccompanied to Okinawa, Japan (2006-2008).
I had ten days to drop off my wife in San Diego with my mom (whom she just met). My mom bought us our first mattress, and we kept it until 2018. By the way, my wife was pregnant with our firstborn when I left for two years.
There are so many amazing, strong women in this world waiting for a knight in shining armor. All they need is a chance to get above their current life status. You can find these women and help them shine.
Today, my wife and I are retired (ages 42 and 39) and own three homes. It wasn’t easy, but I wouldn’t trade one day out of the last 20 years.
Men, don’t be discouraged about the dating scene; you’re looking in the wrong area. Let the powerful women find the powerful men.
You want to find a diamond in the rough that you can help polish. In turn, she will help you build a fantastic life with kids and grandkids. It’s all possible if you create your plan and find someone to join you on your journey. Good Luck!
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