Ah, the dream of marriage. We all go into marriage thinking of love, romance, kids, and vacations. These amazing dreams can become a reality, but it requires planning.
Before we marry, we don’t want to break the illusion by talking about “business” or “money.” However, these are massive topics that we need to discuss.
Most marriages crumble under the financial burden of living the American Dream. I recently wrote that the American Dream costs $5 Million. Here are my numbers below.
Most of this $5 Million comes after marriage. If you think that your marriage will survive without getting your finances in order, think again.
“The Two-Income Trap” by Elizabeth Warren describes how a two-income marriage is more susceptible to financial ruin. I recommend reading this book along with “Smart Couples Finish Rich” before you tie the knot.
My background. My wife and I met in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan, in February 2004 and married in Helsinki, Finland, in 2006. We are still married today.
I wish I had known about this $5 Million number before getting married because I could have prepared better financially. The movies always show couples getting ahead by just working routine jobs.
These are lies. Unless your parents are assisting you, you’ll have to grind hard at work, build passive income, and live below your means to get ahead. Let’s review the best questions to ask your spouse before getting married.
- Do you plan on having children?
- Do you plan on working after having children?
- Do you plan on going back to college?
- Do you plan on kids going to private school?
- Do you plan on paying for kids’ college?
- What is your dream house?
- How long before you want to move into your dream house?
- What is your dream car?
- What are your dream vacation destinations?
- How do you envision your retirement?
Do you plan on having children?
It may seem like a crazy question, but many couples decide to go without children. Looking at my chart above, you can see that children are costly.
Yes, someone can always change their mind during the marriage, but it is good to know what they envision. Planning for children is the most significant financial burden on marriage outside of retirement.
Do you plan on working after having children?
On TV, everyone seems to be a power couple. They efficiently manage their households, children, sex lives, and family time. This is a lie. There is only so much time in the day, and something will have to give.
Bringing in two incomes leads to financial ruin more than living on one solid income. Read “The Two-Income Trap” to go more in-depth on the reason behind this phenomenon.
Just because one person stays home doesn’t mean they can’t produce income. Now, more than ever is the time to start a home business. I wrote an entire series on unique work-from-home strategies (introduction, outside, online, content, consulting).
Do you plan on going back to college?
Some couples want to become hyper-professionals and rule the world. However, you’ll need to make a plan for this upfront. Going back to college can cost money while also preventing the person from working simultaneously.
This can lead to double the trouble. It’ll be a good idea to save for the degree first, then attend, so you are not suffering double the loss of income. Plan ahead on this one.
Do you plan on putting kids in private school?
You’ll want to ask this question upfront. Private school costs a lot of money. After putting my two kids through public school, I understand the fascination with private school education.
However, you’ll have to do the math. What would benefit the child more in the long term, going to private school or using that money to buy a house early in their lives?
Another option is to homeschool the children while saving up to buy them homes before turning 18. I believe homeschooling is the best way to educate your children.
Do you plan on paying for your kids’ college?
Another expensive venture is paying for college. It’s great to get your spouse’s opinion on this because you can solve this issue early.
If you are dead set on paying for your kids’ college (as you should), there are ways to pay for it without saving up the money. The best way would be to use real estate as your growth vehicle.
I wrote a five-part series on using real estate to pay for college. By buying property early, you can leverage real estate in various ways to pay for college.
There are also other ways to pay for college, like the VA Loan, but the moral of the story is to be thinking ahead early in marriage.
What is your dream house?
We all want our spouses to be content and happy with their homes. Buying a home is a massive decision, and you’ll want to understand their mindset well before you go shopping.
Asking them about their dream house can set the stage for what you’ll need to aspire towards in the marriage. If it’s a house on the California beach, you can plan for that. If it is a cottage in Ireland, you can also arrange for that.
How long before you want to move into your dream house?
This is part two of the dream house question and vital to success early in life. By asking them what their dream house is, you allow them to plan.
Therefore, as you search for houses in your 20s and 30s, you can ensure they know that these aren’t their dream homes.
We all believe that our first home will be our “forever” home, but that’s not the case. Most people live in a house for seven years.
A better mindset is understanding what dream homes look like and considering all other homes as future rental properties. With no emotions, my wife and I bought our second home as a pure rental play. It turned out to be a huge moneymaker for us.
Buying a home is always emotional, but you can attempt to remove the emotion by understanding it will not be your long-term dream home.
What is your dream car?
Cars are liabilities and can destroy wealth early in your marriage. Find out what car your spouse dreams about and create a plan to buy it used and with cash. Avoid car payments at all costs.
I can tell you that trying to have a wedding, a home, two new cars, and going on vacations will break the bank.
You need to get on the same page with your spouse regarding cars early. And if you find someone who will drive an older vehicle forever, marry them as soon as possible.
What are your dream vacation destinations?
Americans love to spend massive amounts of money on vacations. You’ll need to see how your spouse feels about getting away.
Some people just want to take the family on a “staycation” 1-2 hours from home. You can get away for the weekend at a low cost. My wife and I enjoy going on these with the kids.
Many people want to go on destination vacations in Hawaii, Florida, and overseas. These can break the bank. I’m not saying that these are impossible, but you’ll need to get your money right before traveling.
Ideally, you’ll pay for all your vacations with passive income from dividends, royalties, and rents. That way, you are not going into debt to cover your trips.
How do you envision your retirement?
Wow, all these financial responsibilities, and you still need to save for retirement. Do you understand how I arrived at the $5 million amount?
Some people envision their retirement living on a quiet homestead and gardening. Others want to live in a small city overseas. Some want to travel the world, staying in fancy hotels and on mega vacations.
You may also want to assist your adult children with their children (your grandkids). No matter the situation, retirement will be expensive. You’ll need to start investing for it today.
It will be tough to build a retirement portfolio while doing all the other commitments during your marriage. That’s why I invest for dividends—I can use them today to assist with my responsibilities while they grow to help with my retirement.
Remember, my $2.5 million number above is around $100,000/year in retirement. If you want to have a fancy retirement, you’ll need more cash flow (at least $20,000/month).
Conclusion
There you have it, ten questions to ask your future spouse. I don’t intend these questions to have solid or concrete answers initially. However, they will push you all towards the deeper aspects of marriage.
You don’t want to go into marriage on two separate sheets of music. My wife and I grew up without much money, so we were always on the same page financially. We were so happy to have food and housing; we never needed much above those items.
Ask the tough questions, read books together, and most importantly, take marriage seriously. It is much easier to stay in love when you take care of your business, finances, and responsibilities. Good Luck!
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