My wife and I have been married for 14.5 years and of that time I have been away for over 5 years. We have done 2 separate two-year unaccompanied tours apart from each other. These tours were separated far enough apart that we were able to gain some perspective about what it means to be together as well as apart. My first tour away was from 2006-2008 when I was stationed in Okinawa, Japan. My second tour was from 2012-2014 when I was stationed in South Carolina. Today, August 16, 2020, I am about a week into our 3rd two-year accompanied tour. I just arrived in Okinawa, Japan. As we embark on two years apart, I thought I would reflect on how we plan to thrive while being apart for so long.
1. Have a mission statement– Having a mission statement gives you a day to day motivation to get through the hardships. When you have a combined mission statement, both sides understand what needs to done and why. If there is no mission statement, you may start to wonder if this was a great idea or a bad decision. As segments of the mission start to get accomplished, it will bring you closer together. On my first unaccompanied tour, I was promoted from E5 to E6 and my wife learned how to drive in America, speak English, and had our first son. When I got back from Japan, she immediately started working. Also, my wife and my mom formed a tight bond that continued over the last 14 years. On my second tour, I was promoted from E7 to E8 and my wife was promoted to her first management position. Looking back, of course, it would have been nice to have been together, but we both feel that we made the most of our time apart.
2. Have a routine- Having a strict day to day routine is key to thriving in a long-distance relationship. Things like waking up on time, exercising, reading, studying, watching movies, and running will help you burn through your time. Try to call each other at a scheduled time. That way, if you know you can’t make it at that time, you can text ahead and tell your partner why. Accountability is key. I have seen way too many people try to recreate themselves on unaccompanied tours. All of a sudden they are party animals or club rats. Be who you are. The last thing you want is to isolate your partner because you have a little freedom.
3. Have fun- This goes hand in hand with having a routine. Your day to day operations should be pretty constant. However, from time to time, you need to get out and explore. Things like going to museums, parks, or restaurants are all ways to have fun. It is important to have fun because you will be able to talk about your experiences with your partner. Your partner should want you to have a good time. Remember, avoid places that may lead to arguments, like bars and clubs. Make friends that you trust to have your best intentions in mind. Integrity is one of the most important characteristics to have when you are away. While I am in Japan, I plan on going on battle site tours and eating some good Japanese food. My wife has the kids in Florida. She plans on taking them to the beach and also going to different events.
4. Talk to family and friends- When you are isolated, the last thing you want to do is isolate yourself. Technology has improved greatly from the first time I went away in 2006. There are plenty of ways to stay up to date with family and friends. Yes, talking to your partner is always great but eventually, you will run out of things to talk about. This may lead to bickering and unhappiness. When you talk to family and friends, not only does it pass time for you, but it also gives you and your partner different subjects to talk about. Family and friends are always a good source of gossip and life scenarios. Now, more than ever, you will need to lean on them for entertainment.
5. Create events together- Just because you are apart does not mean that you cannot do things together. With so much technology, there is probably a limitless amount of things to do together. I have already played video games on the internet with my kids. I know that some video applications will let people watch content together. So it should be easy to have a movie night. Since I am in Japan, which is a 14 hour time difference from Florida, we will have to find a good time to hang out. My wife’s Friday nights are my Saturday mornings. So if I wake up early and exercise on Saturdays, I will be able to be ready to hang out with her by the time she gets off of work. This way, we can have some drinks and talk about the week. I plan on making some digital photo albums so that we can drink and remember the good old days. We have 14 years of history, we may as well leverage that to pass some time. Time flies when you get into a good routine.
These are just some ideas to keep you together during a long-distance relationship. Of course, remember to love each other and say “I love you” as much as possible. Have integrity. Be honest with your feelings. This is an awesome time to learn about one another. Sometimes we may not be as forthcoming in face to face conversations. Being so far apart may help break down the boundaries a little. Most importantly, remember why you are together in the first place. In the end, that is what will keep you together.
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Disclosure: I am not a financial advisor or money manager, and any knowledge is given as guidance and not direct actionable investment advice. Please research any investment vehicles that are being considered. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinions. I am not receiving compensation for it. I have no business relationship with any company whose stock is mentioned in this article.
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