Wow, what a tough question. Being in the military for such a long time, I have seen a lot of marriages. Some people get married to get out of the barracks, some get a change of duty station orders, some are missing home, and some fall in love. Everyone is different. But how do you know if you are ready?
I will start with myself. Growing up in the church, marriage was a sacred covenant. It was definitely not something to take lightly. After I reconnected with Kris in late 2005, I mulled over the idea of marriage. I knew I did not want to lose her again. I never worried about her being a great mother, wife, and daughter. I knew all these things to be true. I was only really concerned with myself. Was I ready? As I contemplated the idea of marriage, a buddy of mine said something profound, “Would you be more proud of a guy who slept with 20 women or a guy who was married for 20 years?” The answer was simple to me. And I knew that 5 years earlier my answer would have been completely different. That one question put everything in perspective for me.
I do not know what question is going to put everything in perspective for you. Only you know that. What I do know is, do not let minor superficial things get in your way. Some people may have financial or emotional baggage. It may take them so time to get over certain things in their life. You may have to wait while they sort through their stuff. Some people are depressed and shouldn’t be dating at all. That is why being able to have deep conversations is so important.
If you are financially savvy and your potential spouse is a “hot mess” with money, see if they are willing to work with you to improve their financial situation. If your potential spouse is hung up on a certain relationship or friendship that went bad, see if they are willing to go to counseling to sort through it. It is okay to invest some time and effort in people. You may have to invest in yourself as well.
In order to prepare for a successful marriage, we have to prepare to be our best selves. If you are thinking to get married and are not preparing yourself by reading and learning, you may not be prepared at all. Marriage is a beautiful journey. But the path isn’t a straight road. It has bends, twists, and sharp turns. Reading books and talking about our thoughts: past, present, and future help to give the marriage a solid foundation that will last throughout the bad times. I was late to reading books and I wish I had read a least a couple of books before I got married. So now I am passing this information down to you. If you are studying good marriages around you, asking questions to successful couples, and reading books and articles, chances are that you are ready for the next step.
Disclosure: I am not a financial advisor or money manager, and any knowledge is given as guidance and not direct actionable investment advice. Please research any investment vehicles that are being considered. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinions. I am not receiving compensation for it. I have no business relationship with any company whose stock is mentioned in this article.
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