Kris and I have been married for over 14 years. On our journey, we have met many divorced people, as well as, couples who have decided to get divorced after we met them. We end up sending a lot of our time with friends who are single and looking. But how do you find that special someone? Especially in today’s new world of dating? I would suggest going back to the basics.
Core Values. The most important part of meeting someone is discovering their core values. Your core values are equally as important. Ensure that YOU have a high standard of core values before you expect someone else to. What are core values? These are fundamentals of a person that are under the skin. These are intangible ideas such as honesty, loyalty, and hard work. It can also be drive, motivation, and temperament. Too often I hear people who are looking for a “tall person”, or someone with a high paying job, or someone with a huge truck. Those are all cosmetic or material things. Someone can choose to quit their job on any given day. If you married them for their job, then what is the marriage then?
A great example of core values would be how Kris and I meet. She did not speak any English. However, we were able to communicate and we found out everything we needed to know about each other pretty early on. Over the years I have learned something about myself. I love people who work hard. That is one of my main core values and one I expect others to have. In hindsight, Kris is one of the hardest working people I have met.
Even in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan in 2004, she was going to school, working as a waitress, and taking care of an older lady. She was so busy that it was hard for us to even date. After her school finished, I asked her to stop working so we could spend more time together. She was making $50 a month (yes a month) working at the cafe. Also, I moved her into a bigger apartment so she would be more comfortable. When I came to her apartment, it was always spotless and she prepared food for me. I knew she would be a great mother. I always felt welcome and loved. Hard work, hospitality, and trustworthiness were core values I recognized in her.
Our relationship wasn’t based on my job or rank. She didn’t even know what rank I was until 3 years after we were married. I didn’t expect her to work. However, she joined the workforce in 2008 and has done amazing things there. She always has taken care of the house and kids and let me go out and be successful in the world. We are exactly like we were in 2004, just better versions of ourselves. Core values are important.
There are certain topics that may cloud your judgment or cause you to brush over someone. Politics and religion are ideas that form a layer over a person and may prevent you from understanding their core values. Political views and religious convictions can change or compromise. Don’t let the intellectual world prevent you from seeing into the true soul of someone. Materialistic pursuits will almost always end in failure as well. If a person is poor, they can become rich. If a person is rich, they can become poor.
My recommendation is to focus on the core values that matter most to you. What are your core values? What are you looking for? Do you like hard work and work ethic? How about sensitivity and caring? Attention to detail and cleanliness? Truly get down to the bottom of what you are looking for. Think critically. Write it down. Ask your date what core values they look for as well.
After meeting 16 years ago, Kris and I are still together for the core values we discovered about each other in the beginning.
Disclosure: I am not a financial advisor or money manager, and any knowledge is given as guidance and not direct actionable investment advice. I wrote this article myself, and it expresses my own opinions. I am not receiving compensation for it. I have no business relationship with any company whose stock is mentioned in this article.
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